Emotions As Signals

Emotions are internal signals – they can help us evaluate situations or alert us when something requires attention. They guide us to act (when energy needs expressing), protect (when safety or justice needs restoring), or connect (when relationship or belonging needs repair).

Many of us may never have learnt what our emotions are trying to tell us, or how to fully experience them. We might have learnt over time that some feelings are bad or wrong and should not be expressed – maybe should not even be experienced. We might have also come to believe that painful or uncomfortable feelings are best avoided altogether. These beliefs shape the way we relate to our emotions, either intensifying them or shutting them down. By the time we arrive in therapy, our emotions may be so layered with these beliefs that the feelings themselves are hard to access – kept out of awareness, pushed away, or ignored.

Some emotions, especially those tied to early trauma or negative experiences, can seem to threaten our very self, our very existence. Keeping those emotions out of awareness is, as such, a matter of survival. Yet, the paradox is, true survival, as a whole person, requires emotions to be felt and understood.

When we ignore our emotions or keep them out of awareness, the underlying needs (for safety, connection, boundaries, etc.) remain unacknowledged and unmet. Pushed away emotion can lead to anxiety, depression, or psychosomatic symptoms. Emotion kept out of awareness or pushed away blocks connection with ourselves and with others.

Emotional experience is one part of a triad: physiology (bodily sensations), affect (emotion), cognition (thinking). In psychotherapy, the aim is to welcome emotions as vital signals, and to feel them safely, connect them to past and present experiences, and bring them into balance with the rest of the triad. With support and practice in therapy, we can carry these new ways of relating to our emotions into everyday life, freeing ourselves from old patterns that once held us back. This doesn't mean emotions will always feel easy, but it does mean they can become guides that connect us to our needs, our values, and to others. Instead of asking how to get rid of an emotion, we can instead ask what it needs.

Anger

A protective emotion that signals something feels unsafe, unfair, unjust, or out of your control. Anger carries a physical charge. Adrenaline and cortisol flood the body, preparing it to defend, confront, or protect.

It can show up physically through tightened jaw, increased heart rate, clenched fists, pulled up shoulders, flushed face, shallow or rapid breathing, restlessness, heat in the stomach.

It can show up mentally through racing thoughts, loops of thought, difficulty concentrating, short fuse, urge to yell.

It can get stuck when we shut it down. The energy stays frozen in our system. Once its message is acknowledged and safely expressed, the energy can complete its cycle and release.

Anger guides us to protect and act. It needs safety, boundaries, justice, repair.

Try shaking out your arms, stomping, pushing against a wall, drumming, tearing paper, going for a brisk walk or run, screaming into a pillow, punching a mattress.

Sadness

Sadness is a natural response to loss, disconnection, or unmet emotional needs. It can help us process difficult experiences, reflect on what matters, and seek comfort, connection or change. Sadness slows us down so we can process loss or unmet needs.

It can show up physically through slumped shoulders, furrowed brows, tearfulness, low energy, tight throat, lump in the throat, stomach ache, general fatigue, sighs, shallow breaths, a sense of heaviness in the body.

It can show up mentally through withdrawal, lack of motivation, pessimistic thoughts, self-critical thoughts, narrowed focus, easier to recall negative memories and harder to remember positive ones.

It can get stuck when the body wants to slow down and release but either something external (like a fast-paced world) or internal prevents us. We might rush past it or distract ourselves from it. Without expression and release it can turn inward and stagnate.

Sadness guides us to connect and slow down. It needs comfort, compassion, acceptance and space to reflect.

Try crying, sighing, gentle movement like walking or stretching, rocking, simply naming “I feel sad”, being with and talking with someone safe, curling up under a blanket, calm breathing, journaling.

Fear

Fear arises when something feels unsafe, unpredictable, or threatening. It activates the brain’s alarm system, triggering fight, flight, freeze, or fawn. Whether the threat is real or perceived, our bodies still respond. Fear can also appear in quieter forms, like fear of rejection, failure, loss, or the unknown.

It can show up physically through faster heartbeat, quicker breathing, shallow breathing, sharper senses, tense muscles, cold hands, dry mouth, jumpiness.

It can show up mentally through narrowed focus, sharpened attention, constant scanning, worrying, worse-case thinking.

Fear gets stuck when our body stays in threat mode. Unlike animals that release fear through movement, humans often suppress it, leaving us hyperalert and constantly scanning for danger. Fear completes its cycle only when it moves from alarm to response, release, and safety.

Fear helps us protect ourselves and take action. To resolve, it needs both a release of nervous system energy and a return to safety.

Try 5-4-3-2-1 sensory grounding, pressing your feet into the ground, hold a solid or textured object to anchor and comfort you, fast walking, jogging, shaking your arms, name what's safe, exhale longer than inhale (e.g., inhale 4, exhale 6), talk or sit with someone safe.

Guilt

Guilt signals that we may have caused hurt or harm to someone else or gone against our values.

It shows up physically through a sinking feeling in the stomach or a gut punch sensation, a heavy chest, restlessness, tension in the shoulders or neck, shrinking posture, drains energy over time.

It shows up mentally through replaying the situation over and over, obsessing over what you should have done differently, negative self-talk, fear of being judged, strong focus on personal responsibility, sometimes over-responsibility, reduced concentration and focus, difficulty being present.

Guilt becomes stuck when it shifts from a helpful signal into a heavy burden. Instead of guiding repair or learning, it traps us in cycles of self-blame and unworthiness. Over time, it can merge with shame: guilt says “I did something wrong”; shame says “I am something wrong.”

Guilt guides us to protect and connect. It needs clarity, movement, soothing and repair.

Try giving guilt a voice, apologising when it's yours and checking facts when it's not, reminding yourself of your intentions, crying, movement or exercise, soothing touch (placing your hand on your heart, self-hug), resting, gentle posture shifts (lifting your head, opening your chest, which counteract guilt’s tendency to shrink and curl inward).

Grief

Grief is the emotional response to loss, most often the death of someone we love, but also the loss of relationships, health, identity, places, or even imagined futures.

It shows up physically through tightness or heaviness in the chest, irregular heartbeat, shortness of breath, sighing, heavy limbs, low energy, brain fog, sleep disruption, body aches, jaw clenching, headaches, restlessness, nausea, digestive issues, increased or decreased hunger, frequent crying, heightened startle response.

It shows up mentally through preoccupation with the loss, intrusive reminders, difficulty concentrating, forgetfulness, disbelief, time distortion, shaken sense of identity, loss of meaning, spiritual questioning, a sense of unpredictability.

Grief is the movement of love and loss through body, mind, and heart. When it gets stuck, it can feel heavy or overwhelming, and since there’s no “normal” in grief, we often struggle to accept what cannot be changed.

Grief guides us to honour what's gone and integrate loss. It needs space, expression, support and meaning.

Try giving yourself permission to allow every side of grief (crying, anger, longing etc.), sighing, shaking, movement to help the body discharge tension, plenty of rest, walks in nature, find safe people to connect with, creating rituals to honour the loss, trusting in the process of grief (allowing grief to reshape life without needing all the answers right away), meaning-making(finding ways to carry the memory or lessons forward).

Shame

Shame isn't just a feeling that arises but a belief that something is wrong with you. Shame disconnects us from ourselves and others, it can feel like we are breaking apart. Shame signals a longing for connection.

It shows up physically through shrinking, curling in, lowered head, avoiding eye contact, hot face, sweating, feeling exposed, fatigue, heaviness, sluggishness, tight chest, stomach knots, shallow breathing, a pull to hide or disappear.

It shows up mentally through feeling broken, scattered, not whole, negative self-talk, scanning others for disapproval or rejection, shutting down emotionally to avoid exposure, difficulty asking for help or voicing needs, persistent fear of being seen.

Shames gets stuck or lingers because it makes us want to hide, stay small or disappear. In other words, shame causes us to disconnect.

Shame guides us to notice when our sense of belonging or integrity feels threatened, so we can reflect, repair, and reconnect. Shame needs light and air and connection. It softens when met with safety, compassion and acceptance.

Try naming the sensation of shame out loud in a safe space, opening your posture, sharing with someone trustworthy who listens without fixing or judging, being around calm people, placing a hand on your heart, self-hug, placing a blanket around your shoulders, exhale longer than inhale to calm the nervous system, gentle stretching, shaking, or walking to release frozen tension, press feet into the floor.

Boredom

Boredom is unused creative energy. The unused energy can turn into frustration or emptiness from a lack of meaning or stimulation. Boredom is a signal to channel that energy.

It shows up physically through a mix of low arousal (sluggishness, slower breathing, yawning, fatigue) or restless arousal (fidgeting, agitation).

It shows up mentally through wandering or scattered thoughts, difficulty concentrating, time dragging, flatness, craving meaning or escape.

It can get stuck because our body is restless searching for something to do but our brain can't find anything meaningful to focus on. We might try to escape boredom temporarily with shorter-term fixes like snacking or scrolling, which may soothe the restlessness but doesn't satisfy the deeper need.

Boredom signals the need for meaningful engagement, whether through action, growth, or connection.

Try creative tasks, learning or exploring something new, walking, dancing, stretching, spending time with others.

Anxiety

Anxiety often begins as the body’s way of preparing to face or escape a perceived threat. Even if there’s no real danger, the nervous system reacts as if there is.

It shows up physically through rapid heartbeat, chest tightness, fast or shallow breathing, tense shoulders, restlessness, upset stomach, difficulty relaxing.

It shows up mentally through looping thoughts, worse-case thinking, persistent worry, difficulty concentrating, self-monitoring, a background sense of unease or dread, feeling out of control.

It can get stuck when the body and mind get caught in a self-reinforcing loop instead of completing the natural stress cycle. If there is no way to discharge the energy, the body stays activated. The stress response doesn’t switch off, leaving the nervous system in a constant state of high alert.

Anxiety signals a perceived threat or uncertainty. It needs to be acknowledged, soothed, and understood.

Try 5-4-3-2-1 sensory grounding, running, brisk walking, dancing, shaking out the body, belly breathing or paced breathing (e.g., 4 seconds in, 6 seconds out), cold water on your face, remind yourself where you are and what is real right now.